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You know that you’ll get there. You see it as a reward after this long period of non-stop wedding preparations. You’ll say “bye” to your weddings guests, sneak into your hotel suite, and grab your bags for a trip of a lifetime.

Your honeymoon will be sweet and memorable. Sex will be HOT.

Is it that simple?

Hmm, maybe not.

Can you just wing your honeymoon?

That’s risky.

Can you just have a travel agent plan everything and you’re good to go?

Not advisable.

Do you really need to plan your honeymoon?

I suggest so. And there’s a wise pacing for how you can plan it.

“But we have a million things to plan for the wedding? And then we’ll have to move into a new house which we need to plan for too? Can we just postpone the honeymoon?”

I can hear you cry.

On this blog post, I share what I’ve learned from other married couples and from my own experience. Hope this will help you prepare for the first few days of your life forever.


The honeymoon is your first few days together as a married couple. It's a good idea to start strong by being intentional about it.


What is the importance of a honeymoon?

After getting married in the eyes of God, and legally (because the Bible honours earthly authorities too), you and your fiancé are then ready to consummate your marriage through sex.

The honeymoon, while a more modern concept, is what you can consider as the period where you and your new spouse lavish each other with your bodies for the purpose of consummation. And that part is biblical. Read Songs of Solomon.

It’s a precious time between you and your new spouse to build the foundations of what will be your life forever - both spiritual and physical.

While you can’t anticipate every single issue that may arise in the area of your intimate life, you can do your best to prepare for it.

Like how we are preparing for marriage. Or for parenthood. We can’t be 100% ready for any of these new life roles. But we can definitely reduce the amount of unnecessary ignorance about these important matters.  

Having said that, your honeymoon needs some thinking.


What should you consider when planning for your honeymoon?

The commercial notion of a honeymoon is a grand vacation to an exotic place. Let’s go back to the goal of the days after the wedding day. It’s to consummate your marriage through sex, isn’t it?

I won’t be diving into the details of your first night as newlyweds because I don’t want to arouse anything before it’s time. I’ll reserve that for my exclusive emailers for brides who are just a few days away from their wedding day. But in a general sense, here are the key things you need to consider when you start planning your honeymoon.


Photo by Mahkeo on Unsplash


1.  You’ll most likely be tired after the wedding day.

After the long period of wedding preparation, and finally welcoming your guests on the big day, you will just feel like you’re done.

Most couples don’t get enough sleep the night before their wedding day. And very few actually get to eat the feast they prepare for their guests. Then there is usually a lot of “goodbyes” that need to be done the next day as you send off your guests. This part also becomes tricky because one of you would usually just want to finally hang-out, cuddle and what-not with the new spouse, while the other will be in major post-wedding operation mode.

I don’t suggest here though that you shouldn’t consummate your wedding right away! My husband and I snuck out of our wedding before it was over because we just wanted to finally see each other naked! And we think it was a great decision.

Adding long and elaborate activities like travelling and touring into the formula might just exhaust you even more. That’s what I mean.


2.  You’d want to be in your most comfortable and rested state on your honeymoon.

And again, I don’t suggest putting off your honeymoon just because you need to take a full week to regain your strength.

Your honeymoon is when you’ll get to unwind from all the hustle and bustle of the wedding. And the best part is you’ll get to do it with your new spouse!

You’d want to have a lot of warm-up time before having sex anyway if you are doing it for the first time. The first night or the first day might really just be about exploring each other’s body while it enters into a relaxed mode.

On the note of travel again: unmet expectations on accommodations you’ve never tried before might also be a source of stress. A four-star hotel in another city may not necessarily be the four-star standard you’re accustomed to in your own city. I’ve heard of horror stories of what couples thought was white-bedding-fluffy-pillows-and-a-bed-we-both-can-jump-on hotel rooms that turned out to be very uninviting for sex.


3.  You’d want medical assistance that you trust to be accessible.

This is no exaggeration here- the intensity of physical tension from your honeymoon can bring about some physical discomfort. Some of which might need medical attention.

For women having sex for the first time, honeymoon cystitis, a bladder infection, is common.

In some cases, it’s the exhaustion after the wedding activities that can put pressure on the immune system.

You can already imagine the stress of getting medical help from a place that you’re not familiar with.


Photo by Una Kao on Unsplash.


4.  If you think the honeymoon is as important as the wedding, then you need to prepare a budget for it.

For many busy couples, the honeymoon ends up being just an afterthought. Because there was not much thought and preparation committed to it, neither is a budget.

So many couples put off the honeymoon after a few months, sometimes even a year.

If what is being put off is the big trip, then call it as “the first trip as a married couple”. But I wouldn’t say you’d want to delay the honeymoon itself. Again, we’re talking about the consummation of marriage here. It’s the first few days of your life forever where you explore each other’s body with which you commit to serving each other intimately.

There is indeed something very special about travelling as newlyweds. You get to experience sights and sounds with someone you will reminisce on the memories with when you’re old and grey. This can wait if the budget doesn’t allow for it yet. You’d want to start on a good financial note as you start your marriage. But re-think about holding off the real deal of the honeymoon.

With that being said, having your honeymoon in your newlywed home right after your wedding is a great option. If you prefer not having to clean up the house during your first days as newlyweds, then a hotel stay is another idea.

If you haven't done your wedding budgeting yet, you can sign up here for my Wiser Weddings Budget Worksheet.


5.  There will be pressure around you to pull off an extravagant honeymoon trip. Think hard if this is really what you need as a honeymoon option.

I’ve already mentioned about the commercialisation of honeymoons. Even your friends and family have probably asked you “So, where do you want to go for your honeymoon?” As if it always needs to involve travelling far.

With all the factors I’ve mentioned above, you will need to pray and discuss with your fiancé what your ideas are about what a honeymoon is supposed to be. Then consult your marriage preparation coaches or pastors about your thoughts.


6.  The journey to your honeymoon is mostly a spiritual preparation.

The preparation that couples need for the honeymoon is largely spiritual.

Once you understand the purpose of the honeymoon then it’ll be easier to focus on what’s essential.

And the honeymoon preparations become less of logistical planning and more of faith building.

I strongly suggest for you to go through a marriage preparation course. I talk about that here.

It’s very essential to pray for your heart, mind and body to be ready to serve your fiancé.

And if you or your fiancé need any spiritual healing from past sexual relations, it’s good to pray for it now. I recommend pastoral counselling so you can be guided through the process of prayer. I’ll talk more about this on another blog post.


Those are my thoughts!

If you’re currently planning to get married, what are the obstacles you face in preparing for your honeymoon? Please share in the comments section below. And please don’t forget to follow @theasianmrsblanding on Instagram!


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….is actually the first step.

Venue or date? Budget or guest list? Theme or venue?

Where do you begin in planning your wedding?

If you pick the venue first, it may not match your theme, budget, or fit the number of people you plan on inviting.

If you work on your budget first, how do you know what to budget for?

If you pick a theme first, you might end up frustrated if your budget isn’t enough to execute the idea you have in mind.

Oh! What a headache! Does it really need to be this difficult?

When we were planning our wedding, we received all kinds of advice from our married friends on how to get started. But amidst all the how-to’s, we heard something resonate in all of them.

Many of them have shared what a grueling process it was to agree on the hundreds of details they had to deal with. On hindsight, they all shared how they wished they had more discussions that dealt with how they really felt about all these big and small details before getting so close to each and every deadline.

The first crucial step that no one really talks about when planning their wedding is the establishment of your guiding principles. My then-fiancé-now-husband Mike and I distilled what our friends were saying, and came to the conclusion that what they hoped they had to start with were some set of these principles.



Guiding principles are a set of rules, agreements, or philosophies to help you make better and smarter choices together.

These are elaborations of what you, as a couple, believe in - which are pretty much affected by your faith and preferences. Your vision for your wedding day will likewise define your guiding principles.

They are ideally talked about and written before jumping into logistical planning, so your planning could be easily determined by what you’ve already agreed on.

We only really fully realised the benefits of having these guiding principles after our wedding day, and we could even say that these enabled us to actually enjoy planning our wedding!

That’s why I’d like to share with you these 5 things that you can have Guiding Principles for.


1.  How you’d like your fiancé to feel after the wedding day

When the dust settles, what will your fiancé remember you by the way you treated him during the engagement period up until the wedding day?

I remember when I went ahead and printed out our wedding programmes without getting my fiancé’s inputs, which made him feel disrespected. I remember when he overhauled the content I wrote for our wedding website, which made me feel insulted. We both just wanted to be helpful, but we couldn't make sense of our own good intentions because we weren't communicating enough!

On a brighter note, I felt really supported by him when he prioritised me over his family. He definitely treated my in-laws very well, but he had to make careful decisions as to who gets time first when we were all in the same town days before our wedding. And that was even with the premise that he only sees his parents a few times a year! I believe my in-laws exemplified it well to him that his future wife would be priority over the family, and he was already practicing this during our engagement.

This will help determine:

  • How you’ll spend time with your fiancé when you’re planning and when you’re not planning for the wedding
  • How you’ll both communicate during this season
  • How you’ll prioritise things


2.  How you’d like your guests to feel after attending your wedding

I couldn’t have agreed more with Maya Angelou when she said,

“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

Our friends Angel and Abiel Pascual wrote each of their 100+ guests personalised handwritten letters. That really made my husband and I feel that they value us as part of their life.

This will help determine:

  • The guest list
  • The programme
  • The gifts for your guests (if applicable)
  • The welcome and send-off logistics of your guests


Participating in 40+ weddings have taught us a lot! And I'm glad this blog allows me to share them with you.


3.  How you’d like your marital finances to look the day after your wedding

With the social pressures of pulling off an extravagant, most Pinterest-worthy wedding--which include but are not limited to an extraordinary prenup pictorial, the highest quality same-day-edit video, the most exotic location, and the most pompous menu--couples throw most, if not all, financial boundaries out the window.

The common justification is that it just happens once in a lifetime (ideally), and that the money can be recovered later on.

But what happens in overspending for a single day of fairytale wedding bliss is the exchange for many months or years of indebtedness and financial insecurity.

No couple in history has ever regretted being on the healthy side of finances after the wedding day, so there must be enormous benefits to making wise financial decisions while planning.

This will help determine:

  • Where your funds will come from
  • Your budget for each item
  • Your choice of vendors

(I write more about how you can plan and commit to a wiser wedding through sound financial strategies here.)


4.  How you’ll use this season to learn

The wedding is going to be your first ‘big project’ together as a couple. Your partnership in making decisions will be put to the test. The strengths and weaknesses of your characters will be most transparent.

Whatever you or your fiancé discover about each other during the process will be what you'll have to accept in marriage (or say ‘no’ to if there are serious red flags).

An openness to learn from each other and from what you’ll experience will bring you closer to one another.

This will help determine:

  • How you’ll respond to conflicts
  • How you’ll respond to stressors
  • How you’ll communicate


During our engagement period, I learned about how important it is to Mike to have regular breaks to have fun!


5.  How you’d like to honour God during your engagement and on your wedding day

The spiritual depth of a wedding can be easily taken for granted when the road leading to it gets very bumpy. That’s why it’s important to stay focused on its true purpose.

You and your groom are going to stand before the Lord and your witnesses to enter into a covenant. Your wedding day is a mirror of how both of you as believers and members of His church unite with Him.

As glorious as that sounds, often times, God is neglected altogether months leading up to the wedding day - because of stress, busyness, and fixation on the less essential parts of getting married. Couples go back to communicating with Him again when wedding planning has reached its conclusion.

But truth is, God deserves honour during the entire process of preparing for your marriage. He is the reason why you’re getting married after all!

This will help determine:

  • How long your engagement will be (to read more on this, check out this article )
  • How you’ll spend time with your fiancé during your engagement
  • How you’ll prioritise things
  • How you’ll respond to stressors
  • How you’ll make financial decisions for your wedding (here's my blog series on 'Weddings & Money').
  • How you’ll relate with people


Click the image to get all these questions as a printable PDF!

Conversation Question Cards for Engaged Couples


There you go!

I recommend you pray about these things, then schedule a date night with your fiancé to discuss about them. Encourage and show your appreciation to one another every time you both agree on each point.

Can't yet decide on something together? Take a break and pray individually whenever you disagree on certain things. Consult a married couple you both trust to help you navigate through tough discussions if you need to.

Do you need more help with going through these 5 ideas? I made a list of related yet more specific questions you can ask each other! Find them here.

Have fun during this season!


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The first step to planning your wedding that nobody talks about the asian mrs blanding


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Your city’s biggest wedding fair is coming soon, and you just can’t wait!

A wedding fair is a good place to get a feel of what’s out there. Options are endless, and it’ll get you thinking about what you should be considering for your wedding.

But having a sit-down meeting with a wedding supplier is different though. By this time, most suppliers are assuming that you’ve already done your homework. So it would be considered a waste of time for both parties (you and your supplier) if you sit with them without having first discussed these 4 important things with your fiancé.

Here they are:


1.  How long you want to be engaged for

“What month of the year do we want to get married?” usually is the timeline question couples ask, since couples usually weigh in factors such as weather, cost of venues, theme, and vacation leaves availability. After all, you can’t have a beach wedding during the monsoon season in the tropics.

But I encourage you to do something different.

Talk about how long (or short) you’d want to be engaged for, independent of the aesthetics and logistics of your wedding day. There are other more important considerations around the length of an engagement that can affect your spiritual health and your relationship with your fiancé than the wedding programme.

To help you for this talk, I wrote about the 5 Things You Can Consider When Deciding How Long To Be Engaged For.


My wedding dress designer asked me to come back after three months because our wedding was not in seven months. Some dressmakers would only start making the dress three to four months before the wedding to prevent the dress from discolouring, or lessen the number of dress adjustments in case the bride changes sizes over time!


2.  Where you want to get married geographically

This was an obvious consideration for my husband and I when we were planning our wedding, because we weren’t living in either of our home countries. Whichever place we picked, there would still be a good amount of guests who would need to travel internationally.

This brings us to the topic of destination weddings.

People automatically assume that it’s overall more costly if it’s done overseas. But the real answer to this is not necessarily. For example, a grand ballroom wedding in your home city can be more expensive than doing it at a beach in Phuket. You can go cheap or expensive at any place.

Decide beforehand where you’d want to have your wedding. You wouldn’t be able to compare apples to apples suppliers from different countries - so suppliers’ offers are not a good gauge of whether you’d want it in country A or B.


3.  Where you want to be legally married

Due to varying marriage laws across the globe, where you’d want to have a church wedding (officiated by a priest or a pastor) may not necessarily be where you can or you’d like to have your legal ceremony - especially in the case of destination weddings.

It may not even be a destination wedding. Maybe you’re considering getting married where you currently reside, or where most of your guests also reside. But due to citizenship considerations, you may not be able to legally marry there.

It’s important then to discuss beforehand where you’d want your marriage to be registered, and research on the marriage laws accordingly. You may decide to have your civil wedding done in one city and the church wedding (where you make your marriage vows public in the presence of family and friends) in another, and that’s possible too. Our legal wedding was in Singapore a few days before our wedding ceremony and reception in Bali.

On that note, we only considered ourselves married after we’ve said our vows in the presence of our family and friends - and that was our personal conviction. I found this useful blog on the theology of civil and church weddings if you have questions on this subject.


Our Bali wedding showcased a Bali-based group of vendors. Their rates and service offerings are very different from vendors in Singapore, the Philippines or the US, which were our potential locations for our wedding.


4.  How you'd like this wedding planning process to look

Time and again, my husband and I have seen how the wedding planning process becomes a test of relationship, convictions, and faith for many couples. This was also true for us.

Since a test is something you’d need to prepare for, it’s a good idea to agree with your fiancé how you’d like your wedding planning process to look. Whether you’re doing a three-month engagement or a year, those months will go down in history and you’d want to go through it with grace.

An exercise we did before anything else was to write our ‘Guiding Principles’. These were rules, agreements, or philosophies that helped us make better and smarter choices together. Having this shared vision for this momentous occasion will help you navigate through the wedding planning process, which includes meeting your suppliers for the first time. I talk more about it here.

Once again, congratulations on your engagement! May this season be a time you’ll grow even more in love with each other and go deeper in your faith.


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4 decisions to make before talking to wedding suppliers


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Saying “Yes” to your fiancé was easy. Thinking about marrying him gives you peace. He loves God, you, and the people around you. But, in the process of wedding planning, you find out that he’s broke. Or he finds out that you’re broke. 

And it’s making you think, “Will he be able to provide for me?” Or wonder if he’s thinking, “Will she be able to handle money well?”

Maybe one of you, or the both of you, may have hidden the truth out of fear, or just didn’t think that it would be an issue.

Perhaps you’ve read this blog post only after you’ve gotten engaged.

Whatever the reason is for the lack of disclosure or lack of attention towards this matter, you both have to agree on your next move as a couple.

“But why is being in debt such a worrying situation when entering a marriage?” You might ask.


  • Debt can put a lot of things on hold in marriage. Think honeymoon, regular date nights, giving gifts to your loved ones, or even living in a place of your own - indefinitely on hold.
  • Making bad financial decisions, if it’s what caused the debt, could be stemming from a bad habit. Bad habits, when not addressed before marriage, can add to the many challenges couples face in marriage.

Once you both acknowledge that you need to be wiser from now on, here are 5 ways to help you navigate through your situation.


1. Allow the Holy Spirit to speak to you and respond to it.

Our minds tend to rationalise situations to make them look like there’s no problem that needs to be addressed. However, if we stop trying to rationalise it, we will be able to hear the Holy Spirit better. Pray that you’d obey His leading, and not give into your own desires or external pressures.


Here with me is my beautiful mother-in-law, who I had asked what a wise couple should do when in this situation.


2. Talk about the issue with your fiancé and share your action plan (or ask for his).

If you’re the one in debt and you intentionally hid it out of fear, apologise. Come clean, as there is no room for dishonesty in a future marriage. Open up about the cause of the debt, and share how you plan to pay it off. Avoid false promises at all costs. From there, it’s all up to him if he’s comfortable bringing the debt into your marriage and helping you pay for it.

If your partner is the one in debt, avoid condemning. Ask how much exactly the debt costs, the reason for the debt, and his plans of repaying it. You’d want to understand how he makes financial decisions, which both of you will be doing a lot of in your marriage. Also, you’d like to know how this debt may affect your future marriage if left unsettled.

Moreover, I agree with Dave Ramsey’s suggestion here not to help pay for the other person’s debt until you’re married.


3. Talk to a married couple you both trust.

Confronting debt during your engagement can be very daunting. A flurry of emotions may hinder you from wisely deciding on your next steps.

Seek to find counsel from a godly married couple who’s had their own financial breakthrough in life. Present to them your issue and your proposed resolution so they can assess how round your decision is and pray with you. Make sure that it’s a couple that both of you trust, because you’ll most probably have to divulge details of your past (finances mostly) which may be uncomfortable to share with someone who doesn't have your best interests in mind.


Mentorship during your engagement is like fertiliser to your plant.


4. Get professional help.

Consulting a financial planner can help give you or your partner (or both of you once you’re married) a solid plan to get out of debt, and protect--and eventually grow--your assets. They think long-term planning, so you’re sure that they aren’t just out there to get a commission.

A professional can advise on how to strategically get you out of debt given your income ability and external factors such as inflation (as most debts have interests). Someone who believes in tithing (with or without debt) and generosity, and not merely on growing wealth, is someone you’d like to hear from.


5. Consider a restart.

“Are you suggesting that we break the engagement?” you might ask.

Re-read point # 1. It’s up to the both of you how you’d like to move on from here. The restart that I’m suggesting may very well suggest breaking the engagement until you both resolve the issue that one of you, or both, is not willing to bring into marriage. And this is healthier than forcing yourselves to proceed with the engagement just to save face in light of those who’ve already posted their congratulations on Instagram. On the other hand, staying engaged and prolonging it might invite a lot of temptations in the area of purity. I talk about that here.

It may be heartbreaking; but believe me, you would want to start your marriage right at all costs. Think of it as a blessing that you and your partner had the courage to talk about the financial issue even before you got married.

If you decide to proceed and work on this financial brokenness together, I’d still suggest points 1 to 4. And please, don’t incur more debt while planning your wedding. A simple wedding is going to be your act of obedience to God as you start saving your marriage from financial woes.

Leave me a private message if you’re in this situation and I’d love to pray for you!


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