“Postponing your honeymoon is the most practical thing to do.”That’s what ALL of the 15 top blog post results say when I searched for “When shall we do our honeymoon?”Let’s be…
The stretch of Canggu Beach in Bali was falling asleep as the warm air of monsoon dissipated. But at a villa where the neighborhood ends, the day was just about to start for two people.
It was the first evening of forever for Michael and I.
While our guests were just getting comfortable to finally take off their shoes for another hour of dancing, my new husband was already wrapping up his grooves. He winked at me. It was his signal to me to get ready to sneak out.
We wove through the crowd of dear family and friends while giving tight hugs and quick kisses to those we bumped into along the way.
We were sneaking out of our own wedding we planned for eight months. We were leaving a fun party where my favorite 90s music was playing.
Because we were more excited about spending the night together finally!
And then there we were, in our room not very far from the 100+ guests who all flew to the island just to be with us. And we had no plans of seeing any of them again the next day.
You might think it was pretty rude.
Well, I suppose we could have done it better.
We could have announced to everyone that we will be signing off from the party to finally have sex. But that would have been so awkward.
Or we could have stayed until everyone else was gone. But that meant waiting for them until check-out time the next day. Many of our guests stayed at the same villa where we were going to spend our first day as a husband and wife. We didn’t want to wait that long.
We literally didn’t come out of our room the next day until everyone was gone. Being very social people, we knew we would be tempted to chat away with anyone we’d see, and even say “yes” to an activity they might be thinking about. But we were on a mission. To just focus on each other.
Frankly, we were not worried about what our guests were going to think. Our guests knew us very well and they knew how excited we had been about finally spending a night together. And because we had made sure that everyone was sorted out logistically, we felt we had done our part in hosting.
Four years after that night, Michael and I still think that we made a good decision to have our honeymoon right away.
And here are the three benefits of having your honeymoon after your wedding day.
1. You get to establish foundations for your marriage right away.
The first days of marriage is very crucial in establishing strong foundations for the years to come. It’s the time when you consummate your marriage through sex.
So if we’ll call those first days of marriage as the “honeymoon”, then it makes sense to get on with it right after the wedding day. And it’s also important to dedicate a number of days for it that’s satisfying for both you and your new husband.
For many couples, the idea of a honeymoon is a big exotic trip. And because of the financial demands of such a trip, it’s usually scheduled much later after the wedding day.
Trips such as that are good for marriages. They add to the excitement in the relationship. It also allows couples to learn about each other in a different context, and and builds fond memories.
But I would call that trip something else. “Our first newlywed trip” or something.
The honeymoon that we are talking about, the crucial immediate first days after the wedding day, should not be put on hold. A honeymoon can then be in the same city where you already live, in the same city as your wedding venue, or even in your marital home. On this blog post I share why a long and complicated travel journey may not always be the best option after the wedding day.
2. You communicate with each other that the marriage takes priority.
Cindy, not her real name, shared with me how devastated she felt the few days following her wedding day.
She and her then-fiancé-now-husband waited until marriage to have sex. Her whole engagement period, she was just looking forward to being intimate with her groom after the wedding day.
Their wedding day was attended by guests flying in from overseas. They had not seen many of these people in a long time. So her groom thought it was a good idea to spend the next few days after the wedding with them.
They did not communicate well about this plan beforehand. Cindy felt her groom was prioritising their family and friends. Meanwhile, Cindy’s groom thought her attitude during the entire week with their dear family and friends was very unwelcoming and ungrateful.
The couple have sorted out this disagreement and has learned that communication is key. Also, they’ve learned that everything else just takes second priority after marriage. And sometimes, they will have to make tough decisions that other people wouldn’t really like or understand.
When I asked Cindy if she would have felt better had they communicated about the plan of spending their immediate post-wedding week with family and friends, her answer was interesting. She shared that had she and her partner talk about their expectations around the day after their wedding, her husband would have supported her preference. Because, as it turned out, he also wanted to spend his time with just Cindy and no one else right after the wedding day!
3. You can really focus on each other with undivided attention.
It takes a while for our brain to switch off from the previous task that we were focused on. So when you go back to work straight after the wedding, when you finally have your honeymoon, your brain will take a while to switch back to a honeymoon mode.
See, you’ll just be focused on the wedding and your fiancé the days before the wedding. You can take advantage of that mental focus for the following days to just serve your new spouse.
Here are the other plus points of the week following your wedding day: People are usually conscious about not disturbing newlyweds the immediate days after their wedding. And with the popularity of marriage leaves, most companies would entitle you to it the same period as your wedding day. So why not take advantage of the privileges of the post-wedding week?
Here’s a caveat though: You can only really have an undisturbed honeymoon right after the wedding if you plan your post-wedding logistics well.
Who will pack-up all your personal items at the ceremony and the reception? Who will send off your guests on your behalf? Who will settle the balances with the vendors after the party’s over?
It’s possible to have a plan for these things so you can be 100% focused on your spouse! Here’s a blog post where I identify the post-wedding things you need to plan ahead, and ways to delegate them.
Others might suggest, “Marriage is hard stuff. So it’s better to get back to the “real life” right away so we don’t get wrapped up in a bubble of the honeymoon phase.” It’s true, marriage is hard stuff. And all couples will inevitably have to go through various trying phases in marriage.
There is a verse in the old testament that talks about taking a year off after the wedding day. Deuteronomy 24:5 says, “If a man has recently married, he must not be sent to war or have any other duty laid on him. For one year he is to be free to stay at home and bring happiness to the wife he has married.” Christians are no longer bound by this in the new covenant, but there is indeed wisdom in this principle. And if we dig the wisdom here, then we can apply it to our the first few days or weeks of marriage - when the honeymoon takes place. This blog post talks more about it.
Please leave a comment below to share your thoughts about this blog post! Would love to hear from you.
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You know that you’ll get there. You see it as a reward after this long period of non-stop wedding preparations. You’ll say “bye” to your weddings guests, sneak into your hotel suite, and grab your bags for a trip of a lifetime.
Your honeymoon will be sweet and memorable. Sex will be HOT.
Is it that simple?
Hmm, maybe not.
Can you just wing your honeymoon?
Can you just have a travel agent plan everything and you’re good to go?
Do you really need to plan your honeymoon?
I suggest so. And there’s a wise pacing for how you can plan it.
“But we have a million things to plan for the wedding? And then we’ll have to move into a new house which we need to plan for too? Can we just postpone the honeymoon?”
I can hear you cry.
On this blog post, I share what I’ve learned from other married couples and from my own experience. Hope this will help you prepare for the first few days of your life forever.
What is the importance of a honeymoon?
After getting married in the eyes of God, and legally (because the Bible honours earthly authorities too), you and your fiancé are then ready to consummate your marriage through sex.
The honeymoon, while a more modern concept, is what you can consider as the period where you and your new spouse lavish each other with your bodies for the purpose of consummation. And that part is biblical. Read Songs of Solomon.
It’s a precious time between you and your new spouse to build the foundations of what will be your life forever - both spiritual and physical.
While you can’t anticipate every single issue that may arise in the area of your intimate life, you can do your best to prepare for it.
Like how we are preparing for marriage. Or for parenthood. We can’t be 100% ready for any of these new life roles. But we can definitely reduce the amount of unnecessary ignorance about these important matters.
Having said that, your honeymoon needs some thinking.
What should you consider when planning for your honeymoon?
The commercial notion of a honeymoon is a grand vacation to an exotic place. Let’s go back to the goal of the days after the wedding day. It’s to consummate your marriage through sex, isn’t it?
I won’t be diving into the details of your first night as newlyweds because I don’t want to arouse anything before it’s time. I’ll reserve that for my exclusive emailers for brides who are just a few days away from their wedding day. But in a general sense, here are the key things you need to consider when you start planning your honeymoon.
1. You’ll most likely be tired after the wedding day.
After the long period of wedding preparation, and finally welcoming your guests on the big day, you will just feel like you’re done.
Most couples don’t get enough sleep the night before their wedding day. And very few actually get to eat the feast they prepare for their guests. Then there is usually a lot of “goodbyes” that need to be done the next day as you send off your guests. This part also becomes tricky because one of you would usually just want to finally hang-out, cuddle and what-not with the new spouse, while the other will be in major post-wedding operation mode.
I don’t suggest here though that you shouldn’t consummate your wedding right away! My husband and I snuck out of our wedding before it was over because we just wanted to finally see each other naked! And we think it was a great decision.
Adding long and elaborate activities like travelling and touring into the formula might just exhaust you even more. That’s what I mean.
2. You’d want to be in your most comfortable and rested state on your honeymoon.
And again, I don’t suggest putting off your honeymoon just because you need to take a full week to regain your strength.
Your honeymoon is when you’ll get to unwind from all the hustle and bustle of the wedding. And the best part is you’ll get to do it with your new spouse!
You’d want to have a lot of warm-up time before having sex anyway if you are doing it for the first time. The first night or the first day might really just be about exploring each other’s body while it enters into a relaxed mode.
On the note of travel again: unmet expectations on accommodations you’ve never tried before might also be a source of stress. A four-star hotel in another city may not necessarily be the four-star standard you’re accustomed to in your own city. I’ve heard of horror stories of what couples thought was white-bedding-fluffy-pillows-and-a-bed-we-both-can-jump-on hotel rooms that turned out to be very uninviting for sex.
3. You’d want medical assistance that you trust to be accessible.
This is no exaggeration here- the intensity of physical tension from your honeymoon can bring about some physical discomfort. Some of which might need medical attention.
For women having sex for the first time, honeymoon cystitis, a bladder infection, is common.
In some cases, it’s the exhaustion after the wedding activities that can put pressure on the immune system.
You can already imagine the stress of getting medical help from a place that you’re not familiar with.
4. If you think the honeymoon is as important as the wedding, then you need to prepare a budget for it.
For many busy couples, the honeymoon ends up being just an afterthought. Because there was not much thought and preparation committed to it, neither is a budget.
So many couples put off the honeymoon after a few months, sometimes even a year.
If what is being put off is the big trip, then call it as “the first trip as a married couple”. But I wouldn’t say you’d want to delay the honeymoon itself. Again, we’re talking about the consummation of marriage here. It’s the first few days of your life forever where you explore each other’s body with which you commit to serving each other intimately.
There is indeed something very special about travelling as newlyweds. You get to experience sights and sounds with someone you will reminisce on the memories with when you’re old and grey. This can wait if the budget doesn’t allow for it yet. You’d want to start on a good financial note as you start your marriage. But re-think about holding off the real deal of the honeymoon.
With that being said, having your honeymoon in your newlywed home right after your wedding is a great option. If you prefer not having to clean up the house during your first days as newlyweds, then a hotel stay is another idea.
If you haven't done your wedding budgeting yet, you can sign up here for my Wiser Weddings Budget Worksheet.
5. There will be pressure around you to pull off an extravagant honeymoon trip. Think hard if this is really what you need as a honeymoon option.
I’ve already mentioned about the commercialisation of honeymoons. Even your friends and family have probably asked you “So, where do you want to go for your honeymoon?” As if it always needs to involve travelling far.
With all the factors I’ve mentioned above, you will need to pray and discuss with your fiancé what your ideas are about what a honeymoon is supposed to be. Then consult your marriage preparation coaches or pastors about your thoughts.
6. The journey to your honeymoon is mostly a spiritual preparation.
The preparation that couples need for the honeymoon is largely spiritual.
Once you understand the purpose of the honeymoon then it’ll be easier to focus on what’s essential.
And the honeymoon preparations become less of logistical planning and more of faith building.
I strongly suggest for you to go through a marriage preparation course. I talk about that here.
It’s very essential to pray for your heart, mind and body to be ready to serve your fiancé.
And if you or your fiancé need any spiritual healing from past sexual relations, it’s good to pray for it now. I recommend pastoral counselling so you can be guided through the process of prayer. I’ll talk more about this on another blog post.
Those are my thoughts!
If you’re currently planning to get married, what are the obstacles you face in preparing for your honeymoon? Please share in the comments section below. And please don’t forget to follow @theasianmrsblanding on Instagram!
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As an engaged woman, you will be in demand. You’ll receive unrelenting requests for your time from family, friends, wedding suppliers, and your fiancé. So how do you prioritise relationships during this very busy…
When we were deciding on our wedding venue, we already had an outdoor wedding in mind. It fit our personality: we love the beach, nature, and the sweat that comes with tropical weather.
Though looking back, I must confess that the sweat part was something I didn’t really think through at first. It was over 80 degrees Fahrenheit during our garden ceremony, and my makeup turned into pebbles of perspiration on my face.
Besides the heat and sweat, there are plenty of perks to having an outdoor wedding--the sky at the background, the breeze of fresh air, real flora, and the flexibility of an open space that you can design from scratch.
Couples have taken their weddings from churches and hotel ballrooms to the beach, a cliff, a vineyard, a forest, a backyard, a park, a campsite… the list goes on.
On the other hand, an indoor wedding has its conveniences. You get your privacy. You have more control over the foot traffic in a contained space. Then there’s the obvious convenience of not having to deal with weather-related contingencies.
But whether it’s an indoor or outdoor wedding that you decide on, you can still make your uniqueness, creativity, and resourcefulness shine.
If you decide to go al fresco, I want to tell you upfront that there’s extra work that needs to be done. Like I mentioned in this post, you should treat your wedding venue as your home. You ought to extend nothing but excellent hospitality towards your guests.
But how does that look in a venue where there is no room over your head, where insects can wander freely, and temperatures, humidity, and precipitation can not be controlled?
Let me be the first to tell you that you are in for a discussion with your partner and your suppliers about these 25 things that you need to consider when planning an outdoor wedding.
1. An indoor space nearby in case weather changes
A sudden change in weather (rain and wind particularly) can throw you off - literally. While a venue that’s vulnerable to extreme weather conditions can be a treat for your more adventurous guests, it poses as a threat if the weather goes on a rampage. In cases like this, a tent might not be enough shelter. Thus you need to have an indoor space nearby even when you already have tentage for your outdoor event.
Another thing to consider would be the guests your are inviting for the venue. Elderly guests, pregnant women, kids, babies, and others who need the extra care might need some indoor comfort at some point.
2. Accessible bathrooms, or portable toilet rentals for remote venues
Needless to say, this is basic courtesy to your guests. Consider the ratio of bathrooms to your number of guests too. This article suggests having two bathrooms for every 25 guests. Beach weddings, in particular, may mean that you’ll need to share the bathroom with other guests of the property.
Consider the distance, too, of the bathrooms to your main venue. Are you okay with making grandma walk 100 meters in the sand, then queue up for the lone, unisex loo? Think of your guests’ basic comfort.
If you’re aiming for remoteness (e.g. forest), you may need to consider portable toilet rentals. The best gauge whether that’s a good idea is if your were a guest at your wedding, would you be alright with the setup? Since we attract people similar to ourselves, your friends may feel the same way. But then again, don’t forget about your elderly, pregnant women and differently-abled guests. They might have other needs altogether!
3. A cover, shelter, or holding area for your suppliers
As you consider ways to make your guests feel comfortable at the wedding, bestow the same amount of consideration to your suppliers. Most of the things they need on the day of your wedding like meals, transportation, and lodging, are usually already covered in your service contract.
With this, kindly check if your venue options have an area where they can prepare their supplies, have their meals, or wait before packing up. Again, count them and their paraphernalia (think sounds systems, musical instruments, and food carts) in when you make plans for a shelter.
4. The accessibility of the venue for the elders, parents with strollers and small kids, pregnant women and guests with disabilities
I’ve attended a wedding that had me walking up hundreds of steps while carrying my 10-kilogram baby. The wedding was fabulous. We love the couple. But the memory of that treacherous climb up and down haunted my memories. With this, I am resolved to share with future brides that your thoughtfulness about the safety and convenience of your guests will be more appreciated by them than the grand entrance doors or elaborate floral arrangements.
Imagine the walking journey of your guests from where they can be dropped off by vehicles to where you exactly want them sitting. Is any path along the way unsafe? Will it be too inconvenient? Ask the venue coordinator if there are alternative routes. Or if they have provisions to make the journey more convenient, like setting up rubber carpets on the beach for wheelchairs or strollers.
5. A sheltered walking path from drop-off area or parking spaces
Again, this is all about the accessibility of your venue. Test the walking distance from the guests’ drop-off points and parking spaces to where you want your guests to go. In case the rain suddenly pours, is there shelter for guests along the way? While, yes, you can provide umbrellas at their drop-off points, do consider the same path under extreme weather conditions.
6. The holding area for you, the bride
Is there a nearby room where you can get ready, have makeup touch-ups, or wardrobe changes? A pretty isolated venue may leave you with a tent or your bridal car as options.
If you’re going for a tent, consider having side panels to keep the space private. You can recreate the space like your own hotel room by having a cooler, mirrors, and everything else you’ll need to keep yourself feeling refreshed. All these can be rented. Like I’d always suggest, include all these costs as part of your venue budget.
Don’t forget to think about your own access to the bathroom. Because of your dress (think train, multiple layers of fabrics, 5-kilo skirt, et cetera), you’ll need extra care when using the bathroom. (Will your dress fit inside a portable toilet? Just checking!)
7. Costs involved in using any outdoor space
Needless to say, always make sure you’re getting the cost breakdown of all the various spaces you’re considering, even within the same property. For example: You might be thinking about doing your cocktails at the garden, steps away from the hotel ballroom you’re eyeing for your reception. The hotel might charge an add-on fee for that.
8. Permits involved in organising a party in a public space
The municipality office or community association might charge for a permit to organise an event in a public space. While the costs may not necessarily dissuade you from booking such a venue, possible limitations might be involved.If you and your partner are gung-ho about doing a beach wedding so you can release lanterns at the reception, you might be disappointed if the town council doesn’t approve of your idea. For this, I recommend that you and your partner are clear about what your deal breakers are before booking a venue.
9. Cost of tent rentals
If you’d like your wedding programme to be outdoors even in the event of rain, consider renting tents. You might also want to consider a tent if you’re holding a summer wedding, so your guests can get some shelter from the sweltering heat of the sun.
Do your research on the costs before even booking your venue, and check out the rental services that are in the same vicinity of your prospective venues. Costs differ from place to place. Your goal should be to keep your venue cost and tent rental costs within your venue budget.
10. Neighbor’s noise
One thing that can go out of hand (and beyond your control) on your wedding day are the distracting noises in the neighborhood. Properties advertising their outdoor spaces cannot always guarantee the behavior of their neighbors. A relaxing spa resort at the beach may be the perfect venue for a solemn outdoor ceremony, but the resort next door that holds afternoon family sports activities may compete with you for airwaves. Another example of noise competition would be a neighbor’s live band performance that may swallow up the audibility of your own band’s performance. So ask the hotel’s coordinator what activities the neighbors do on a daily basis. Better yet, go visit the neighboring properties and investigate.
11. These other extra costs related to outdoor events
- Tents and related transportation and installation costs: as explained in #9
- Delivery charges for remote locations: some vendors will charge extra transportation fees to get to areas outside of their usual coverage
- Rental of portable toilets: as explained in #2
- Hiring security: for high-risk, open locations; to make sure your guests’ or your own belongings don’t go missing
- Extra manpower: for when you’ll need to move the set-up quickly to an indoor space in the event of weather changes
- Lighting: I listed possible lighting requirements you’ll need in my Wiser Weddings: Budget Worksheet
- Fans: because breeze is not always a guarantee, have some industrial rental fans to keep the guests cool
- Coolers: for warmer weathers and locations, you might need some cooling equipment
- Generator: to power all your lighting, sounds systems, and other electrical equipment outdoors (Before planning our outdoor wedding, I thought that we could just plug all the equipment to a power extension connected to an indoor outlet. Wrong!)
- Transportation for guests: especially for remote locations, you may have to provide the transportation for your guests from a common meeting place
For this next part, I am assuming that you have already decided on a venue. Congratulations, you can start planning for these things:
12. How to communicate your venue and set-up to your guests
One of the most treasured feedback we’ve received from our wedding guests was “great communication of information”.
“There can’t be too much communication for a wedding event,” said one of our friends. And since then, I’ve started to believe that.
The main hosts of the wedding (that’s you and your partner!) will be too preoccupied during those times when your guests would need crucial information the most. And those moments would be when they need to get to the venue, or move to a backup venue in the event of weather changes.
So it’s best to provide all these information to your guests ahead of time - meaning, before they even get to your wedding venue. It would be great to include this in your invitations or wedding website, and to communicate these things together when you ask your guests to RSVP.
13. Communicating to your guests about the attire
Specify in your communication channels to guests (in your invitations, wedding website, et cetera) what type of venue it is. Are they going to stand on grass, sand, cobble stone or an outdoor carpet?
Give them a good lead time to prepare for their wardrobe by having this detail announced at least a month before your wedding.
14. Having mobile, easy-to-set-up decors
If you’re not going to use any tentage, the next best insurance you can have are easy-to-setup and ready-to-install ceremony and reception set-ups.
First, you’ll have to agree with your vendors how much time you can afford to wait the rain out. If the rain stops, great; then you can have your troops re-setup in a flash. I’ve seen this happen time and time again - the things that make it to the set-up are the ones that have wheels and big display pieces. For this, you must understand that a certain table’s place card slipped inside a cut cork standee that will only stay up if positioned at a certain angle will be the least of the troop’s priorities in a 20-minute re-setup - if the rain stops at all.
15. Decors and displays that won’t be blown away
I’ve been talking about the sun and the rain as key elements that can make or break an outdoor wedding plan. But let’s not forget there’s also wind.
Plan for decors that won’t easily be blown away and end up in the sea or another couple’s wedding reception. Again, you may refer back to # 14 when you decide on weighty decors. Loose paper items, fabrics, and lightweight floor decors are the usual victims of the wind’s wrath.
16. A Plan B script for your master of ceremonies (A.K.A. emcee)
After you plan your plan B in case of weather changes, brief your emcee about it. He or she is the other person, apart from your coordinator, who should know exactly what will happen in case the bad weather ensues. He or she represents both of you, so bring up with him/her how you’d like to address your guests during this critical period of logistical changes - if he/she is writing his/her own script. If you’re writing the emcee’s script yourself, please include this bit of information.
17. Consider where the sun is pointing
If you have options as to where to face your guests and yourselves during the ceremony, ask where the sun doesn’t point directly towards. If placing your guests in a specific position would ruin the concept of the backdrop that you’re aiming for, perhaps consider angling the guests even just a few degrees away from having to face the sun directly.
18. Seats that can really be sat on
With the advent of Pinterest came the unique wedding locations and creative seating furniture. We’ve attended a wedding in the forest and it was beautiful. I observed though that the older and weightier guests were not comfortable, let alone fit, on the tree stumps as seats. Again, think about how you’d want to make your guests feel comfortable. Think about the grannies, the pregnant women, and your other guests who need extra care and attention.
19. Food that won’t easily spoil
Putting out food outdoors makes it more vulnerable to changing temperatures. And you know what thrives in such? Bacteria. Especially for food that doesn’t keep in the heat.
No matter how amazing a cheese bar would look at your wedding, it might spoil even before your guests enjoy it (Unless it’s cheese fondue!). Your local caterers should know about these things so they can prepare for proper storage. If you’re going DIY, then there’s more to the food planning than just doing away with dairy on the menu. Here is a guidance I found online on DIY Weddings and Food Safety.
20. The amount of time your florals stay out
If the flowers of your choice are extremely sensitive to heat, then plan with your vendors on when to set these up. Your florists should know this. However, if you’re going DIY and it’s your friends or family who’ll do the setup, research more about the florals you’re using. If they’re not tropical and are known to easily wilt under the heat, then only pull them out right before your guests arrive.
21. Your dress
I’m talking to you, bride. A wedding dress designers’ first two questions are usually: “When is your wedding?” and “Where is it going to be?”
What they really want to find out with the second question would be the actual venue. The beach? A church? A hotel ballroom? A castle? That’s because the dress has to be functional enough to allow you to move around the wedding venue with ease. A ball gown with multiple layers of fabric is the last thing they’ll suggest for a beach wedding.
22. Your hairstyle
This is again for you, bride. An outdoor wedding in the tropics, like ours, might make you want to consider having your hair worn up. There’s just something very stressful about having your hair touch your neck or shoulders when it’s warm, you’re starting to sweat, and your hair has made its way around your neck. Do you feel me?
23. Flowers that are natural pesticides
Insects are another natural element you have to contend with outdoors. Many florists are smart enough to have flowers on their menu that repel insects. Options are citronella, lemon balm, lavender, marigolds and peppermint.
24. Outdoor weather survival kits for your guests
Thoughtful gestures for your guests include giving them the following (and in no particular order): umbrellas, fans, hats, tissue, bugs spray, water, sunscreen, first aid kits, paper towels, bath towels, scarves, pashminas, plastic heel protectors, flip flops, and other easy-to-carry accessories.
These come at extra costs, but become memorable and useful to your guests. Just make sure to place them where they can be easily seen by guests. Oftentimes, I’d only find out in photos that there were these thoughtful items at a wedding I had just attended. If I only knew, I wouldn’t have gone home with bug bites.
25. Agreeing with your fiancé on weather-related responses
Last, but definitely not the least, it’s important to agree with your fiancé on two things:
- What your plan B should be in the event of weather changes
- How you’d like to be supported/comforted if plan A doesn’t push through
Some brides end up being too emotional hours or minutes before the wedding when they hear that their plans have been overruled by the sudden weather change. Since you and your partner most likely won’t be together during this critical decision-making moment (as you both are getting ready in separate rooms), make sure to agree ahead of time on the two things I mentioned.
The groom is usually the one consulted by the wedding coordinator about the contingencies on the day itself, while the bride waits somewhere else for her dramatic entrance. Would you like to be consulted by your groom first before making any decision? You can agree to have your maid-of-honor or someone you trust to liaise with the groom on your behalf. This is in case you want to maintain the element of surprise, and not talk to your groom directly before you walk down the aisle. You can also break the “rules” of not seeing each other before the walk down the aisle and decide to pray together and make the decision together.
Whatever you think will comfort you the most, bring honor to God and one other, and provide convenience to your guests will be the decision you will want to make in the event of the unexpected.
I’ve pretty much exhausted all possible considerations for an outdoor wedding. But the truth is, there’s still a possibility for your well-laid out plans to face challenges.
What else is there to do then? Here’s something I wrote to help you prepare for any weather on your wedding day. Hope it encourages you!
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Outdoor weddings have undoubtedly become more and more popular. I’ve been seeing more and more couples taking their wedding party to the backyard, the courtyard, the beach, or wherever else a clear sky can be seen.
We had ours in a garden nestled under tropical trees overlooking the beach. The sun was high up in the afternoon, and everyone without sunglasses squinted throughout our ceremony. My face had collected sweat by the time my groom and I were permitted to kiss, and I didn’t feel as pretty as when I walked down the aisle. We were glad it was a sunny day, but I wouldn’t lie about hoping that it wasn’t THAT hot.
If I was slightly unsettled even with clearly good weather on our wedding day, how much more would it be for couples whose outdoor weddings got rained on?
Here’s a post where I wrote about what four of my married female friends felt when the sky sent showers on their wedding day.
Knowing that the weather is out of our control, how can couples prepare for the least-liked weather conditions?
There are logistical steps that you can take to have a Plan B so that you and your guests don’t end up getting soaked in the rain and waking up the next day with a flu. Check out my post on 25 Things to Consider When Planning an Outdoor Wedding.
We all know that a Plan B is a Plan B because it’s not Plan A, our preferred plan. And for a bride and groom, that really sucks.
So how can you prepare yourselves mentally, emotionally, and more importantly, spiritually for any kind of disappointment that bad weather could bring on your wedding day?
Here are 5 steps you can take to prepare for any weather you wake up and sleep to, on the day you say “I do”:
1. Think about how you can showcase God’s creativity through your wedding.
I believe that God allows us to bring out our creativity on our wedding day. After all, He’s like a Father who’d like to see His children use their talents. We ought to create excellent things because our God is excellent.
Now, think of how you can make your wedding look just that - excellent. Oh, for sure your ideas abound! The good news is that we all want our wedding day to be superb, and that’s not a difficult thing to do.
Next, think about what a poorly executed wedding would look like. It obviously doesn’t showcase God’s creativity. List down the elements of such a wedding so you can really imagine them with your fiancé.
This time, ask yourselves these questions:
• If the flowers that you’ve been wanting to use for your wedding fail to bloom on THE day, are you failing God?
• If the sun dries up the lake where you wanted to get married in, are you failing God?
• If it rains on your wedding day, and you have to bring all your guests indoors for their safety, are you failing God?
The answer is definitely no because these things are obviously out of your control. So if you have anything on your “poorly-executed-wedding-be-like” list along those lines, scrap them.
When we end up feeling bad about not getting something we want, is it because we are just too insistent on what we want?
The exercise above is one way to help us check our intentions when we make certain decision for our wedding (or in life!). I know you will be planning excellently for the things that you can control, so be easy on yourself! God is already pleased at the intent and the effort you’ve put into planning!
2. Use your wedding funds wisely.
Anything unplanned that happens on your wedding becomes too painful to handle when we put in too much of our resources in it.
If an outdoor wedding gets rained on, and you have to revert to Plan B, then the effort, time, and money you put in for your venue and all your outdoor decors no longer give you the full return on investment. And this hurts couples badly. Sometimes we can overlook the cost of effort and time, but not easily money. Why? Because we tend to be more attached to our money, and we earn it through effort and time after all!
So what’s the antidote? Decide wisely where you put your wedding fund into.
When you take a biblical perspective on spending your wedding money, you make wiser decisions. What does spending look like in the Bible? That which will honor and celebrate Him. There are tons of Biblical scriptures on it. Here’s a list of some of them.
An example of how a couple could be spending their wedding fund with God in mind is this:
Lillian and Thomas chose a beach wedding to complement their water-loving personalities (God likes how we embrace our uniqueness.), to showcase the beauty of the natural scenery (God created them after all!), and to share the Gospel during the ceremony even to passers-by (Wow, that’s letting go of any privacy on their wedding day!).
But if you’re telling me, “Hmm, we’re not choosing our venue for all those reasons, just that it’s really pretty and it suits us!” Then that’s totally fine too!
You can now then check your choice against your budgets.
If your choice of venue stretches your budget beyond what you can afford, especially that you will need to spend also on any rainy-day logistics (like tentage or renting an alternative venue--read my post about that here), then it might not be the best choice.
I’d be careful about “praying for that venue that is 40% beyond our budget because God grants the desires of our hearts!” Yes, He grants the desires of our hearts, but only if they are the desires of His heart too! And I don’t think He wishes any of us to begin married life at a deficit. More on the topic of Weddings & Money here.
In the end, whether it’s a church venue, a palace, a garden, or the slope of a volcano where you are getting married, God is okay with any venue, as long as you are choosing it for Him and using the resources that He has given you wisely. And when you choose Him, of course you are also choosing to make it safe for your guests!
3. Pray and ask God about your choice of venue and setup.
You’ve heard this before: “Many are the plans in a person's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails.” (Proverbs 19:21)
When it’s time for you and your fiancé to choose your wedding venue and setup, first, pray about it. Remember, praying is seeking God’s desire for you. And as you both pray for what He desires for you both, He’ll work in amazing ways to speak to your hearts, and make them want what He wants for you.
Then dive into the Word. Communicating with God is a two-way action. Just praying without seeking for His instructions is like talking to your counsellor without giving your listening ears to know what they think. Getting into the Word is also a way to affirm if what you are desiring is what God desires for you both.
Which part of the Bible do you go to when you’re in the middle of making a big decision? And I’d consider picking a wedding venue as a big decision. It will define most of your other wedding decisions!
I don’t have a prescription on which scripture would help you exactly, because there are tons. I suggest you read this article on How Do I Study a Specific Topic in the Bible. It will suggest to you using a concordance. When you search for topics using an online concordance like Bible Study Tools, I suggest looking up some of these words to study scriptures about them: “decisions,” “plans,” “wisdom,” or “hospitality.” As for why I included the word “hospitality”, read my fourth point below. As you pray with your partner, write down the words that come to mind that you’d want to study.
When you make decisions based on what God wants for you, then it should be easier to heal from disappointments when your plans don’t prosper. What happens if your wedding day still gets a weather that you don’t prefer after you’ve prayed, heard from God and obeyed God when you both decided on a venue? You get full assurance that it’s the weather that God wants for a bigger purpose!
On the note of prayer and studying the word: This whole period of wedding planning is a great opportunity to exercise your praying muscles and develop Bible study habits. You and your fiancé will be making TONS of decisions together. While your decisions would seem to only be relevant to a one-day event, they have long-term effect. So I really believe that this is a period when you really have to prioritise even more your time with the Lord. You will be busy planning the wedding, but prioritising your time with God will realign you with the real purpose of this season. How I wish I heard about this when I was in your place!
4. Think of the wedding venue that you choose as your home on your wedding day.
Your wedding venue, every area of it, is your home on that special day. If anything, it’s your first home together as a married couple! You are welcoming your most loved people to that place that you meticulously prepared for their coming.
This said, won’t the way you design the wedding venue similar to how you would get your home ready if you were to invite them to your actual marital home? You’ll probably even pour out more resources on your wedding day than any other occasion you would host in the future. What a great act of hospitality!
One picture of hospitality in the Bible is found on 1 Peter 4:9 which says, “Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling.” The next verse goes on to say that, “Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.”
In the first point, I talked about how God is pleased with you when you use your talents to plan, organise, and design the venue on your wedding day. The verse above affirms that!
Then I talked about spending your wedding funds wisely on point # 2. And this verse also encourages us to be faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms! I believe that you having money to spend on your wedding is just by God’s grace! Isn’t that cool?
So in the case of your wedding venue and setup, what you need to prioritise is how to make people feel comfortable in the space, how you can make them feel accommodated through your logistics and programme, and how you can do that while using your skills and talent within what you can afford. All of these already showcase excellent hospitality!
5. Remember that God is the God of all weather.
Undoubtedly, more couples prefer a clear sky and just the right amount of sun compared to rain on their wedding day, given the type of venues being booked nowadays. Even couples who choose to do their event indoors definitely find it more convenient to have a rain-free weather, as going to the venue on a rainy day can be a hassle for the guests (think long dresses getting wet upon getting off the car!).
So I assume that there are more soon-to-be wed couples PRAYING for sun than those praying for rain.
I turned to a friend to seek a counsel on whether or not it’s biblical to pray for good weather. She said, “Yes. It is biblical to pray for anything including good weather for special occasions. But remember that God’s answer is always ‘Yes’ or ‘No.’”
That shouldn’t be a surprise to us, but somehow, it still surprises us and hurts us when bad weather meets us.
When we pray for something and God answers it, it is for His glory. If He says “no” and it rains when you prayed for a sun shiny day, that’s also for His glory. It may be difficult to accept because it’s not what we want, but that’s really the deal and is what glorifies God ultimately.
When it rains on your wedding day, God is not punishing you. Firstly, no one punishes someone using something that’s good. Rain is good because He created it. Secondly, God is not in a punishing mode when a certain weather that we don’t prefer shows up at the wedding and marriage that we’ve submitted to Him. He has a story for it that we may not understand immediately, and that’s another reason to pray--so that God reveals to you what His purpose is for the weather that He’ll bring on your wedding day.
So, gorgeous bride, take comfort that you can have a beautiful wedding, no matter what the weather becomes. You can also take inspiration from this post.
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We totally risked not having a rainy day back-up plan for our garden wedding in Bali. But I have to be honest; it was a decision that leaned more towards frugality than faith. And the sun did shine that day. Too much, in fact, that our guests went home with an extra strong tan.
But what would it be for you, if it rained on your outdoor wedding and things don't go as planned?
Here are some reflections from friends whose weddings were rained on.
An Opportunity to Be Served
I had the honour of coordinating for the wedding of my dear friends, Eric & Kelly. Being the planner that I am, I thought I covered all bases--up until I felt a raindrop on my nose. Then I realized that I didn’t have a rainy day back-up plan.
It just totally slipped my mind! After all, among the 30+ weddings I had attended at that time, I have not been to one that had been rained on.
There’s a first for everything.
I remember our team of friends setting up and tearing down the beautiful garden set-up at least three times, as the rain poured and paused on repeat. With thirty minutes off schedule, we had to finally decide to move the ceremony indoors.
Kelly recounts her emotions:
“When I saw the rain fall, I wanted to burst into tears. I held it for my make-up’s sake. But inside, I was like, ‘God, how could you let it rain on my wedding day? Did I do something wrong?’ That was my immediate thought, having had a well-planned outdoor wedding that now wouldn’t happen.
Then God reminded me during the ceremony of the time Eric asked me to be his girlfriend. We were hiking, and it started to rain hard. Eric helped me realise that our life together was going to be an adventure involving some ‘rainy days.’ A few years later, it rained again when our first son was born!”
Unbeknownst to Eric & Kelly was how forthcoming ALL their guests were in helping set up the alternative indoor venue. Everyone gladly made sure that the wedding would remain special and beautiful for the couple.
Eric and Kelly are two people who find so much joy in serving other people. They met at Every Nation Church Singapore where my husband Mike and I also attend. I believe God used the rain to show them how much they are loved by the people they have been serving.
God also showed them His consistency! Pastor Larry spoke during his sermon:
"In the Bible God says, 'Man plans his ways, but God directs his steps.' Although this wedding may have been planned as an outdoor wedding, I believe God, in His divine plan, wanted it indoors. A lot of us don't know this, but years ago, this used to be a church (referring to White Rabbit, the wedding venue). And I felt that before this ceremony started, the Lord just whispered to me, 'Eric and Kelly met at church, I want them to get married in church.”
A Reminder of God’s Consistency
Rain was also a factor in Dust and Carla’s story.
Carla recalls, “It reminded us of our first date - it was also a stormy night! So the rain during our wedding day showed us that God was involved.”
At their dinner party, it continued to rain. While this made it difficult for guests to go anywhere (the venue was on top of a hill), it allowed us guests to focus on the couple, and catch up with friends we had not seen in a long time. It was a lovely picture of a big family getting together over fun and food!
The Gospel Was Heard More Audibly
“The reason we chose our venue was because of its beautiful outdoor patio. Our wedding was going to lead up to an evening reception at a courtyard, as I had imagined us under the stars. Then it rained, and we had to scrap all of that to move indoors.” recalls Ina Mendez-Tan.
The Instagrammable outdoor dream wedding that was no more caused Ina’s groom to feel very unsettled.
“When we had to move indoors two hours before the start of the ceremony, I had peace about it. I learned later on that Edson, my then-fiancé, was very anxious about the idea that his bride won’t get her dream wedding! That made me love him even more!” shared Ina.
After the wedding, the couple reflected on how focused the guests became to the wedding programme when they moved the venue indoors. “There was just too much to see at the outdoor space that our guests would, for sure, get too distracted!” says Ina.
And most importantly, because there was less distraction, the gospel message during the ceremony was more audibly delivered to the audience who were seated very close to each other, according to the couple.
A Rainbow and God’s Promises
In the middle of John and Rachelle’s beach wedding, a drizzle decided to pay them a visit. Then, while the pastor was talking about God’s promises about marriage, a rainbow came out.
Sitting as their guest and marveling at the sight of such a beautiful stream of colours, I remembered the rainbow in Genesis 9. God made a promise to Noah after the flood and said, “I have set my rainbow in the clouds, and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and the earth. Whenever I bring clouds over the earth and the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will remember my covenant between me and you and all living creatures of every kind. Never again will the waters become a flood to destroy all life.”
I’d like to believe that there was at least one person at the wedding that needed an assurance from God about that promise. And Rachelle and John’s wedding was used for that purpose.
A Silver Lining and Some Disappointments
While there comes a silver lining to some of these rainy weddings, there’s always a level of disappointment that couples have to deal with.
Just think about all that’s been paid, planned, and hoped for: outdoor lights and decors, seating arrangements, or the sound of birds chirping in the background as the couple says “I do.”
Rachelle, for one, shared, “I didn’t let the rain dampen my mood that day when it caused us to move our dinner plans from the beach to an indoor venue. But I also couldn’t stop thinking right there and then about the costs we’ve incurred having planned it to be on the beach!”
Meanwhile, Kelly and Eric never got to see the entire DIY decors their friends put together.
There will always be feelings of disappointment to battle with when plans don’t turn out the way we hoped. I’ve not heard of anyone who was absolutely unperturbed on their wedding day, or even the days that followed, when things go amiss.
But here’s some good news: we can control our attitude even when we can’t control the weather!
Planning for Any Type of Weather
So what do you do to prepare yourself for the possibility of bad weather on your wedding day, while having to fight feelings of disappointment during such a special occasion?
Well there’s the logistical approach, which I talk about on my post 25 Things to Consider When Planning an Outdoor Wedding.
Then there’s the non-logistical approach that I believe is much more important (think long-term. Check it out on How To Prepare For Any Weather On Your Wedding Day.
Do you have a similar story to share? If you’re reading this after getting married, I’d love to hear of your experiences in addressing changing weather conditions on your wedding day. If you’re a bride still planning your wedding, tell me about how you plan to make your wedding day weatherproof!
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