Engagement, Weddings

Lessons We Learned During Our Engagement

engagement-lessons-learned

I’m not sure about you but there were points during our engagement when I was beyond frustrated.

My then-fiancé-now-husband Michael is such a great guy. And I am so glad I married him! Best decision in my life, ever!

But truth be told, being a fiancée is not always easy. It’s sweet and flattering, and it could be emotionally exhausting too.

See, you’re a step closer to being a wife, but you’re not a wife yet. You’re planning to commit yourself to a life with someone forever, but that someone most likely has no clue what that forever looks like either. Even after taking a marriage preparation course (which I highly recommend by the way), there are still uncharted territories up ahead.

And having a fiancé is not a walk in the park either. You’re suddenly learning more about your differences through the process of planning your wedding particularly. And you’ve been reminded that you’ll discover even more things about your future husband once you’re married. Really?

So, I hear you. Take heart. If you’re able to go back to the purpose of this engagement and your future marriage, and you don’t see anything in your relationship that contradicts that, then you should be ok.

Most misunderstandings during the engagement period is brought about by the stress of planning a wedding, personality differences that you’re still working on, and clashing choice of breakfast.

Yes, breakfast matters.

Here are the top things Michael and I learned during our engagement! Read through or watch the video we shot shortly before our wedding day. Enjoy!

He said:

  • Women want to feel loved and pursued. And when they push us away the farthest, they want us to pursue them the hardest. And I think for any guy it’s totally counter-intuitive, but it’s something that I’m learning and I’m glad I’m learning it. It makes things a lot easier.
  • I’ve also been learning that, you know, for us men, the way that we choose to spend our time communicates to a woman about how we prioritise them. And relationships are fragile, and relationships won’t wait for you. It’s so important that we choose wisely and we choose today to prioritise them.
  • Love works in the complete opposite way of how the world tells us that it works. We have these feelings and these feelings will motivate actions. But actually it’s completely the opposite. You know, the more you do loving actions for someone the more that you serve them, the more that you make efforts to pursue them, the more that those feelings of love for that person would grow. So it’s like the doing motivates the feeling and you wouldn’t expect the feeling to motivate the doing. So, that’s been an important learning for me.
  • And on a lighter note guys, PMS is real. So put in your calendar and choose not to let it break you.
  • To any man who is dating a Filipina: Please know that breakfast is BIG DEAL. It’s a very big deal – she doesn’t want croissants, she doesn’t want cereal or fruits. She wants her rice, and pork, and substantial proteins. Jo-e (Joanna) and I broke up for two weeks because of my failure to understand her breakfast needs.
One of the low points of our engagement was towards the end of our US trip (my first time) when I’ve had enough of bagels for breakfast. I broke up with Michael for two weeks because I felt he didn’t understand my breakfast needs.

She said:

  • Don’t WhatsApp (or SMS, email, or virtually send/talk about) your emotions. Why? Because the physical dimension of the conversation is so important – the body language, the facial expressions. And of course it makes a difference when he starts holding my hand. And in virtual conversations we don’t get that. So I would suggest that you hold it off, pray about it, and then talk in person. Or if it’s really urgent, give the person a call. We’ve been practicing that and I think it’s been working!
  • My girlfriends, especially married ones, would always tell me “You know it would really help guys if you articulate to them what you want, how you feel and not make them guess.” And it was a hard lesson for me to learn because, at some point, I disrespected him (Michael) because I was just ran away, hibernated, and didn’t talk to him. And it wasn’t good! It wasn’t nice. So girls, talk.

For more stories from The Asian Mrs. Blanding and Mr. Redhead Blanding, check out our IG stories starting March 28, our 4th wedding anniversary!

How about you, what lessons did you learn during your engagement? Please share in the comment box below!

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