You know that you’ll get there. You see it as a reward after this long period of non-stop wedding preparations. You’ll say “bye” to your weddings guests, sneak into your hotel suite, and grab your bags for a trip of a lifetime.
Your honeymoon will be sweet and memorable. Sex will be HOT.
Is it that simple?
Hmm, maybe not.
Can you just wing your honeymoon?
Can you just have a travel agent plan everything and you’re good to go?
Do you really need to plan your honeymoon?
I suggest so. And there’s a wise pacing for how you can plan it.
“But we have a million things to plan for the wedding? And then we’ll have to move into a new house which we need to plan for too? Can we just postpone the honeymoon?”
I can hear you cry.
On this blog post, I share what I’ve learned from other married couples and from my own experience. Hope this will help you prepare for the first few days of your life forever.
What is the importance of a honeymoon?
After getting married in the eyes of God, and legally (because the Bible honours earthly authorities too), you and your fiancé are then ready to consummate your marriage through sex.
The honeymoon, while a more modern concept, is what you can consider as the period where you and your new spouse lavish each other with your bodies for the purpose of consummation. And that part is biblical. Read Songs of Solomon.
It’s a precious time between you and your new spouse to build the foundations of what will be your life forever - both spiritual and physical.
While you can’t anticipate every single issue that may arise in the area of your intimate life, you can do your best to prepare for it.
Like how we are preparing for marriage. Or for parenthood. We can’t be 100% ready for any of these new life roles. But we can definitely reduce the amount of unnecessary ignorance about these important matters.
Having said that, your honeymoon needs some thinking.
What should you consider when planning for your honeymoon?
The commercial notion of a honeymoon is a grand vacation to an exotic place. Let’s go back to the goal of the days after the wedding day. It’s to consummate your marriage through sex, isn’t it?
I won’t be diving into the details of your first night as newlyweds because I don’t want to arouse anything before it’s time. I’ll reserve that for my exclusive emailers for brides who are just a few days away from their wedding day. But in a general sense, here are the key things you need to consider when you start planning your honeymoon.
1. You’ll most likely be tired after the wedding day.
After the long period of wedding preparation, and finally welcoming your guests on the big day, you will just feel like you’re done.
Most couples don’t get enough sleep the night before their wedding day. And very few actually get to eat the feast they prepare for their guests. Then there is usually a lot of “goodbyes” that need to be done the next day as you send off your guests. This part also becomes tricky because one of you would usually just want to finally hang-out, cuddle and what-not with the new spouse, while the other will be in major post-wedding operation mode.
I don’t suggest here though that you shouldn’t consummate your wedding right away! My husband and I snuck out of our wedding before it was over because we just wanted to finally see each other naked! And we think it was a great decision.
Adding long and elaborate activities like travelling and touring into the formula might just exhaust you even more. That’s what I mean.
2. You’d want to be in your most comfortable and rested state on your honeymoon.
And again, I don’t suggest putting off your honeymoon just because you need to take a full week to regain your strength.
Your honeymoon is when you’ll get to unwind from all the hustle and bustle of the wedding. And the best part is you’ll get to do it with your new spouse!
You’d want to have a lot of warm-up time before having sex anyway if you are doing it for the first time. The first night or the first day might really just be about exploring each other’s body while it enters into a relaxed mode.
On the note of travel again: unmet expectations on accommodations you’ve never tried before might also be a source of stress. A four-star hotel in another city may not necessarily be the four-star standard you’re accustomed to in your own city. I’ve heard of horror stories of what couples thought was white-bedding-fluffy-pillows-and-a-bed-we-both-can-jump-on hotel rooms that turned out to be very uninviting for sex.
3. You’d want medical assistance that you trust to be accessible.
This is no exaggeration here- the intensity of physical tension from your honeymoon can bring about some physical discomfort. Some of which might need medical attention.
For women having sex for the first time, honeymoon cystitis, a bladder infection, is common.
In some cases, it’s the exhaustion after the wedding activities that can put pressure on the immune system.
You can already imagine the stress of getting medical help from a place that you’re not familiar with.
4. If you think the honeymoon is as important as the wedding, then you need to prepare a budget for it.
For many busy couples, the honeymoon ends up being just an afterthought. Because there was not much thought and preparation committed to it, neither is a budget.
So many couples put off the honeymoon after a few months, sometimes even a year.
If what is being put off is the big trip, then call it as “the first trip as a married couple”. But I wouldn’t say you’d want to delay the honeymoon itself. Again, we’re talking about the consummation of marriage here. It’s the first few days of your life forever where you explore each other’s body with which you commit to serving each other intimately.
There is indeed something very special about travelling as newlyweds. You get to experience sights and sounds with someone you will reminisce on the memories with when you’re old and grey. This can wait if the budget doesn’t allow for it yet. You’d want to start on a good financial note as you start your marriage. But re-think about holding off the real deal of the honeymoon.
With that being said, having your honeymoon in your newlywed home right after your wedding is a great option. If you prefer not having to clean up the house during your first days as newlyweds, then a hotel stay is another idea.
If you haven't done your wedding budgeting yet, you can sign up here for my Wiser Weddings Budget Worksheet.
5. There will be pressure around you to pull off an extravagant honeymoon trip. Think hard if this is really what you need as a honeymoon option.
I’ve already mentioned about the commercialisation of honeymoons. Even your friends and family have probably asked you “So, where do you want to go for your honeymoon?” As if it always needs to involve travelling far.
With all the factors I’ve mentioned above, you will need to pray and discuss with your fiancé what your ideas are about what a honeymoon is supposed to be. Then consult your marriage preparation coaches or pastors about your thoughts.
6. The journey to your honeymoon is mostly a spiritual preparation.
The preparation that couples need for the honeymoon is largely spiritual.
Once you understand the purpose of the honeymoon then it’ll be easier to focus on what’s essential.
And the honeymoon preparations become less of logistical planning and more of faith building.
I strongly suggest for you to go through a marriage preparation course. I talk about that here.
It’s very essential to pray for your heart, mind and body to be ready to serve your fiancé.
And if you or your fiancé need any spiritual healing from past sexual relations, it’s good to pray for it now. I recommend pastoral counselling so you can be guided through the process of prayer. I’ll talk more about this on another blog post.
Those are my thoughts!
If you’re currently planning to get married, what are the obstacles you face in preparing for your honeymoon? Please share in the comments section below. And please don’t forget to follow @theasianmrsblanding on Instagram!
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